STOP SAYING "Good Job"... Next Time, Try One Of These Instead
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This post contains affiliate links which will reward me monetarily when you use them but it comes from Amazon’s pocket - not yours! For more info, read my full disclaimer. Baby June and I thank you for supporting our small business.There has been a revolution in the last few years and we are realizing it’s not helpful to tell a kid “Good job.”
Why shouldn’t I say, “Good job.” ??
Becky Bailey, from Conscious Discipline says “Awareness is a better change agent than consequences. We can’t change what we’re not aware of.”
Noticing builds awareness.
That is why noticing is more important than judging.
The more noticing we do the more aware kids become of their actions.
You may be wondering, if I’m not supposed to say “Good Job,” what should I say instead?
I’m so glad you asked… :)
Here are some new ones to try:
Instead of saying, "Good job"... next time try this one, "I love being your teacher." 💙💙
... Go ahead, melt their hearts.
Instead of saying, "Good job," next time try this one instead... "You make me smile." ☺️☺️ ... and watch that smile sneak right onto their face. 💛💛💛
"You are a wonderful part of our class."
(Then, watch as they comprehend what you just said...it may take a second, they thought they were going to get a 'good job')
What a pleasant surprise this one will be ☺️...
(Student's posture changes slightly, they sit up just a littttttle taller.)
👍🏻👍🏽👍🏿 Teacher score, 1. Good jobs, 0.
"You're a great leader." 👋🏾👋🏼👋🏿 Yup, we want leaders!!!!
Then, high five 'em, and you'll be one step closer to having a pack of LEADERS by your side.
We want our students to work WITH us (not against us) --
get them on your team!! It just makes every part of the day so much better. 💜💜
Comments like this (when followed by high fives) MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN! .
👇🏻👇🏿👇🏾WATCH THE VIDEOS FOR MORE INFO! 👇🏻👇🏿👇🏾
PART 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
"I love that you never give up."
If you see a kid working hard on something, don't just notice that kind of awesome and recite a generic, bland statement... throw something at them that they will remember!
When you say to a child, "I love that you never give up." They think to themselves, "Oh ya, I am a kid that doesn't give up."
Then, next time something is hard... get this--they AREN'T GOING GO GIVE UP right away!!
When previously, they might have thought "I can't finish this on my own."
Now, you have hijacked their thought process… they are going to remember, "Oh ya, I am a kid who doesn't give up."
The more of that attitude, the better.
"You're so strong."
It's even more effective if you teach them how to flex their biceps (they will just hold their arm in the air) ... but if you gently squeeze that little arm and react as if they've been body building and say,
"Whoa!!!" Or "OH MY GOODNESS!”
They're gonna smile...
And it's gonna be a chain reaction, the other kids are going to say, "Feel mine! Feel mine!" ☺️
You can use this to encourage their writing or just do it on the playground when they are climbing.
When you tell a child they are strong, they feel strong... and they strive to get stronger.
No matter what your students may face…
remind them they are brave, they are capable...They. Are. STRONG. 💪🏼💪🏿💪🏾
"You're one of a kind."
We do a lesson at the beginning of the year about skin color. 👋🏿👋🏼👋🏽
We all hold out our arms and try to find a match...which we do unsuccessfully.
Because, we learn, no two skin colors are exactly the same...and, we learn, they are ALL beautiful.
I point out my freckles.
Once kids look at skin color as no one's is the exact same as theirs, they stop grouping themselves with other children who have similar skin color and they start to see the beauty in everyone being different.
Imagine if the world saw the beauty in every shade of skin color.
Teaching our little ones lessons like these:
you're different (not better)
you're awesome
you're one of a kind
...are the kind of messages that could change the world. 👏🏾👏🏿👏🏼
"I believe in you."
I didn't realize the power behind this one when I started using it.
But it's actually been proven in studies over the last few years:
students perform better when teachers believe in them
The belief a teacher has about a student is the beginning of a cycle that ultimately ends with the student's outcomes.
Even if you're student isn't sure of themselves, if you slide in there and throw this one in their face, WHAM....they're gonna start believing in themselves, too.
HAVE YOU LISTENED YET?
"You are a ROLE MODEL."
One of my first Assistant Principals encouraged us to use the term ROLE MODELS, even with our little Pre-K students.
They might not know what it means the first time you say it... that's ok.
Add this amazing phrase to their vocabulary!
Teach them what it means. Encourage them to be one!
Before long, all my students knew what it meant and used the term on their own.
Talk about a proud teacher!!!! ❤️💛💚
Let's just say this one is pretty simple, I think we should all be saying this more to everyone starting with our students.
This phrase includes but is not limited to variations such as:
"That's beautiful”
"I'm beautiful”
"This is beautiful”
“whoa.... beautiful."
“Hey stranger, you're beautiful."
(You get the idea☺️)
I pretty much remember every compliment I've ever received, and it's because of how good they made me feel.
Imagine just dropping compliment bombs on people all day.
(Made his day. + Made her day. + Made their day. = Makes my day.)
Hey there, Do you ever feel like your classroom is super jacked and intense sometimes?
(“HEY! He! I! What? They! Where's? Everybody sit down!”)
We know that 4 and 5 year olds can have trouble waiting... for anything...
I even find myself saying, "Ya, I'm teaching them letters and numbers but before any of that, most of them need to learn how to wait... not get what they want right away, not steal my attention when I'm talking to someone else." It’s fascinating how impatient little ones can be.
So, we developed systems and activities to practice and model the behaviors we want to see…(instead of interruptions, shouting out, sticking their face in our face.)
One of the ways to stop them from interrupting was to use a signal.
Here’s how it looks:
If I was talking to someone, they would come up, place their hand on my arm, I would place my hand on top (while continuing to talk to the person and not yet looking at the child.)
I would acknowledge them with my hand and they knew, "She sees me, she knows I'm here, now I will wait." And it wouldn't be long before I finish talking and turn to them with a huge smile and say, "THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT! What do you need my love?"
We practiced it so much it became fun for them.
Other adults would be super impressed that they could come talk to me anytime and
my kids... would... wait.... 😯
My classroom is a calm place and I know it's because of these systems and routines we put in place and practice so much that they come naturally to my kids.
They feel better in a calm and predictable environment and I do too. 💚💚💚
The magical thing with kids is they are young & they are learning...it's kinda wild, but they are doing things, just to see what happens when they do THIS or when they do THAT.
So if they do THIS or THAT and you ask them "Why would you do that?" They probably won't have a good answer.
They tried something, maybe they saw another kid do it… and now something bad has happened and they are sad and they are labeled a kid that makes bad choices... what if the adult calmly redirected them a few steps back?
Encouraged them to try when things are hard… or reminded them that "No, you are too good of a friend to act like that…" Or "You are too sweet to talk like that. I know you won't do it anymore." Or "You are too smart to make that choice again, I know you'll do it better next time." And move on.
No shame. No attention to the negative behavior. Just reinforcing the behaviors we want. Because next time, those are the ones we will see.
Meanwhile, the kid is thinking to themselves, "I'm too nice for that...I'm to smart for this." 👍🏽👍🏻👍🏿
If you really get yourself in a bind, my Hail Mary phrase that I say with intensity, is "I CARE TOO MUCH." (then, I tone it down a few and repeat) "I care about you too much to sit and watch that." And they hear it, & think, "Ok, that got loud...she's serious about this."
And then they are left with that hijacked statement that's going to float around in their head, "She cares about me TOO MUCH." ... and from there, the relationship will be pretty solid.
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This post contains affiliate links which will reward me monetarily when you use them but it comes from Amazon’s pocket - not yours! For more info, read my full disclaimer. Baby June and I thank you for supporting our small business.