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Episode 9

Caylee Carullo

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Episode 9 -Your Attitude Determines The Mood Of The Entire Classroom

Your attitude determines the mood of the entire classroom.

My kids can handle glass.. And yours can too. 

(How to introduce activities to your class so they will use them correctly.)

Hey everyone, We want to take a second to remind you that YOU are the best way to help us reach more people with our podcast… and all you have to do is leave us a review… if you’ve heard something that has helped you in one of our episodes, please help us get the word out to more people… today we want to share a review with you from Gama Emmy… she said “Oh my gosh! I am going to use your magic spray idea to help my granddaughter with her separation anxiety when her parents leave! Have the oils and the spray bottles ordered! You don’t need to be a teacher to use these wonderful ideas, parents and grandparents can use these too!” 




Thank you Emmy… we are so happy to hear you’re finding some value in our episodes and we love that you are going to try out our suggestion with your granddaughter. Please let us know how it goes.

Ok everybody… we are excited to talk to you today, about something very powerful… something with the power to control or sway the entire mood of the classroom... What is it Layne? 




It’s YOUR ATTITUDE. 




Yes!!! Your attitude, it can be YOUR MOST powerful tool when trying to have a good day with your kids… and I know there are a lot of parents out there stuck at home with kids and we chose this episode because we think it will benefit parents and teachers both…. A lot of this is going to be things you’ve heard before, there might not be any groundbreaking new information here, but there is A LOT OF POWER in the way you use your attitude and word choice to make your kids act a certain way. I mean honestly, my first few years of teaching, my whole struggle was, “How do I say things in a way that will make kids do what I want them to do?” And maybe that sounds too simplified or maybe you’re like, “what is this all just manipulation? But no! Seriously, it all just comes down to, what can I say that will make my children be compliant? What can I say that will make my children be helpful? How can I get them to be patient? Take turns? Listen to the directions?? Right? How can we get them to be little helpers on our team, instead of working against us… instead of pushing the limits just to see what happens, instead of whining and arguing and doing the things that they know drive you nuts? That’s when they are NOT ON YOUR TEAM, and things spiral… but to get them back on your team, for starters... you just need to adjust your attitude...




I want to start out with a quick story about something I experienced recently and then, Layne, I want you to weigh in on it and we will go from there…ok?




OK.




the other day we were at a boat-put in out here in montana, and there was a family with 4 kids....and I want to be clear-I don’t have kids of my own yet, I have one on the way...but, I only observed this family for a few minutes, so this was just me observing a situation and wanting SO BADLY to just pull the mom aside or, like, moreso I wanted to be a little tinkerbell fairy that could just twinkle some dust on her and help her to rephrase the way she was talking to the kids… because it would have changed everything for her!!!… Now, mind you…I am not making judgements here, I’m not quarantined with 4 kids, so I honestly have no idea what I would have been like in her situation, but in this moment, I just wanted to pooof, help her see that she was shooting herself in the foot with every empty threat she dropped.. Ya know? I couldn’t help but keep thinking to myself, over and over again, “man if she just phrased that differently, the outcome would have been different” …This was most of it.. She turned to the older one and said “Hey, go with your brother and sister, make sure he stays out of the parking lot.” to which the sibling groaned and said “no I don’t want to.” … so the mom responded, “NOW, this is not a discussion” and started counting, “1...2...3..” it was tense. You could feel the power struggle. 

He eventually started slowly, super slowly, walking in the direction she asked him to go, clearly pushing back… and that’s how most interactions went, she’d ask them to do something, they’d resist and she’d threaten… “I will leave you in the car, I swear, don’t push me.”... “Do it now, because I SAID SO, that’s why.” 

I’m not trying to sit here and judge moms during the quarantine, but I just wanted to throw that into this episode so families and teachers can hear that concrete example and hopefully notice when it’s happening to them next time, and remember this advice--to flip the scenario around and use YOUR ATTITUDE and the. messages. You’re. Sending….to create positive feelings instead of negative ones. 

Layne, what do you think about this?

  •  I totally understand this. I get both sides of it too because being a teacher and a mom i'm constantly bouncing between what I know is best practice and desperation.  I've been this mom many times…. Usually in public space lol! When you're being watched and feel like oh no people are judging me or my kids you do crazy stuff to regain control …. Things you usually don't do… things that don't work…. Things that i'm not proud of but hey it happens.  I've done it all… the threats and the bribes . They might work in the moment ( usually not without a fight) but in the long run it makes situations like that hader and unpredictable. We realize everyone will slip back into threats or power struggles every now and again but if you have a solid foundation of behavior management strategies and your kids know them then trips out in public with your own kids or trips to assemblies with your students will go a lot smoother . 

  • Ok, yes… it’s so helpful to hear your side too… I have been there-- as a teacher, when you’re being watched and you’re desperate to regain the control, you just start reaching for anything to make the behaviors stop… I definitely get that… especially before I understood the concepts of love and logic. 




  • So let’s talk a little more about what teachers and parents can do to make that happen.




  • Kids want to step up. They want responsibilities, they want to help out. They want to be treated like they can handle stuff… and they want to have choices, not just be told what to do all day… and if you can start shifting the way you talk to kids, you can change EVERYTHING… 

  •  Choices are super important and helpful! 

  • If that mom had said things like, “Hey, since you’re the oldest and I know I can trust you to show the little ones how to walk safely in the parking lot, would you mind walking up with them to make sure they stay safe?” 

  • Or even taking time to explain stuff to kids...tell them WHY they need to do something rather than just making demands “Hey Dad’s working on getting all the fishing rods set up for us, we are going to have to sit tight for a few minutes while we wait.” 

  • Or give choices… “Hey Dad is setting up all the rods, do you guys want to play on that rope swing or sit here by the car with dad while we wait?”

  • There are just so many ways to shift the message so that you’re not giving them an ultimatum… because over and over that mom kept giving empty threats, she wasn’t going to leave one kid in the car while the family goes fishing… and the kids know that… we’ve all been there, where we are pushed to the edge… and these empty threats come out of our mouth… but in my first few years of teaching, I knew I had to follow through on them… so after a few ridiculous follow throughs… (like having to keep kids with me all of lunch time or other consequences that ended up being just as painful and disruptive for me) I learned to stop saying stuff like that… because first of all, I didn’t want to do those things… I don’t want to keep those kids by my side during all of centers, but once I say I was going to do it, I did it… and it sucked… for everyone involved..that’s why I kept seeking to find a better way -- and love and logic was a huge part of how I came out of the empty threats strategy to some more effective courses of action…

Totally agree! When we decide to engage in a power struggle with kids you have to win the power struggle. No matter how small or silly it is. When you decide to give a threat it needs to be one that you can and will follow through on …. So it's best not to do them at all or very rarely.   My daughter tries to engage me in many power struggles throughout the day…. Usually I just say” I love you too much to argue” but on the occasion that I do bite…. I have to follow through. Just the other day (before the pandemic) we were at target. I was with my 2 kids and trying to hurry and get our shopping done. We were all a little tired as it was close to dinner time…..probably not the ideal time to go to Target with kids but here we were.  Before we started shopping we made a stop at the target starbucks. The kids asked if they could get a cakepop. I said something like I buy cakepops for kids that listen and stay in the cart while we do our shopping. They both agreed to those terms. I bought them and put them in my purse for after our shopping was done. Welp, Hawk is at the age where I can still buckle him into the cart. Scout on the other hand was given the choice to ride in the cart or hold on to the end of the cart .  She picked to sit in. Great! 

Well it wasn't long before she was crawling out to look at this and touch that. I could feel my anxiety start to go up. I gave reminders like oh kids that stay in the cart get theri cake pop at the end. She pushed and pushed and pushed and then it happened….. I blurted out the threat. Scout if you don't get in the cart and stay there I will take your cake pop back to starbucks!  Now….. I don't even think Starbucks is allowed to take back food items but now I had to follow through with my threat. I was hoping and praying that she stayed in the cart because I didn't want to have to take back a cakepop and look like a crazy person. And i didnt want to have to spend more time at the store. 

I'm sure you know where this is going….. I was the crazy person trying to take back the cakepop at starbucks. I think I just said can you throw in the trash for me ...i don't need any money back lol!  I did not want to do it…. I hated doing it… it crushed my heart…. 

What could I have done differently ????  Just like Caylee said earlier Kids like to step up and they can do hard things. I should have had Scout checking things off my list, helping pick out produce and putting stuff in the cart for me. Or I could have given her the choice to help with entertaining her brother and so on….

I probably shouldn't have even used the cake pops as a bribe during the shopping trip. I could have said at the end of the shopping trip “ hey you know what guys…. Yall were such great helpers I think we deserve a treat! “ and went to starbucks at that point .  

Have yall listened to episode 2? Caylee and I were all about the bribes our first year of teaching…. We had goodie boxes , pizza parties and all types of absurd things that didn't work.  We put an end to that…. It helped our classrooms and our pocket books.

Let’s learn some more strategies to help…..

  • Kids don’t have to run the show, you don’t have to feel on edge taking your kids to do things because you’re afraid of how they might act-- if you can master a few simple strategies to get kids to do what you want them to do… your relationship with your children can COMPLETELY change… 

  • A lot of it is just about staying calm, when emotions get amped up and kids start yelling or whining, it’s SO HARD, as the adult, not to buy into that… and try to over power them by talking louder or arguing back or whatever...but when you can bring things back down, and remind them, “I will talk to you when your voice sounds like mine.” or even just going braindead, which is a love and logic strategy, repeat the same thing over and over “I love you too much to argue.” (AND AGAIN, these are all so varying based on ages, love and logic gives SO MUCH INFORMATION for every situation, scenario, age group, etc…  so we are going to stay the course in this episode, and give tips for how YOU the adult, whether you’re the parent or the teacher, how YOU have the power to set the mood. Set the tone. Set the expectations… and how kids will follow your lead… 

Staying calm is so important and with practice you and your kiddos will keep getting better at this. It's something you have to actively work on.  And its totally ok to tell kids … Hey Im sorry I just got really heated, im going to take a breath, calm down and start over and ask them to do the same. 

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  • The mood you are in and the vibe you put out in your classroom each day has a ricochet effect. You can bring them down with you, or you can bring them up with you… but you are the leader, and they will follow.

  • It's important that overall your message to them starts positive so that positivity can grow...if you’re at school, you’re saying “I am your teacher school is going to be fun... I'm so glad that you're here... you are good at so many things... I have so many special things that I want to show you that it's really important for you to show me that you're following the rules so that I can introduce all of these fun things that I have for you!” 

  • And at home, it can be as simple as just being in a positive mood first thing in the morning…which is not always easy... but you will see it is contagious… if you start out any random day of the week with enthusiasm and positive intentions, that’s what you’re going to see the kids follow with… if you are sending the message that “you will have choices today… you will get to do special things as long as you are listening.. You can help mom, as long as you are showing me you can handle it…” 

  • You want your position to be coming from “I'm so glad you're here you have so many great things that you bring to our classroom you're a part of our classroom it's important that we all take care of each other I love and care for you this is going to be fine I have made so many great things that I want to share with you I am so happy that you're here”... every day that's how you need to be starting out the mood and the vibe… even if you’re not feeling that excited, if you can start a mindset shift, and sort of force it in the beginning… you will see that when kids get on board with this, and they start acting right, everyone truly is happier… things feel so much better, for adults and kids… it sounds kinda cheesy, but if you make mundane parts of your everyday routine, into tiny little adventures… kids are going to love it… and they are going to tune in… and when you have their attention and they know the expectations, they aren’t going to let misbehaving stand in the way of them getting to do something fun… and it doesn’t have to be something extravagant, it can be the normal things you were going to do, but you you might throw in a few special choices when they’ve earned something special… “I love when you follow my directions right away, that makes it easy for us to have a little extra fun… maybe we can eat snack in a tree today or maybe you can use the binoculars while we’re driving to look for deer…(haha these are very montana examples).... But once you’ve started with a positive attitude, assumed positive intentions for the day, and your kids start following suit, it just opens up the possibility for so much more fun and freedom… rather than feeling like your kids are misbehaving and you have to keep tightening the reigns and taking more and more away… I challenge you to start tomorrow differently… wake up with the bubbly positive attitude and start the snowball of positive effects… little by little, kids are going to jump on the train with you… they don’t want things to be taken away, they don’t want to miss out on stuff… but sometimes they can just get stuck in a pattern of negative attention seeking behavior (that drives you nuts) and you can’t reward that kind of stuff so you take something away, or whatever it might be, however it might go… start a new cycle of behavior and attitude…

  • Prefacing your interactions with a positive attitude - can and will ultimately make them succeed or fail. When you introduce an activity with these vibes: “I know you can handle this… it’s a really cool fun thing that we’re gonna do…and I KNOW you’re going to do it right!” They are going to do it just like you said. If you start pointing out things that are going wrong and correcting everyone, one by one, they are going to start shutting down on you... And, remember kids can handle more than you think. If you start setting them up to handle challenges and show them how impressed you are by their great choices, little by little they can handle more… 

  • Our students got to handle lots of items in our classroom made of glass… (we have a montessori exception) so there’s glass containers and items around our classroom… and it’s funny to say it out loud right now, because like it’s not a big deal, at all… it’s never been a problem, because of how I set my students up before it and how I teach them to use it appropriately, man kids light up when they get those kinds of privileges… they want to get to do special stuff…. I will address my class as a whole group and say this is a new activity “I can't wait to show it to you I am going to be watching to make sure that you're doing it really carefully so that I know that you're ready for all the other fun stuff that I have for you” and I kind of preface it like “I know you can handle this it's a really cool fun thing that we're gonna do and I know that you're gonna do it right” and then you show them what it is and you keep encouraging them “wow look at you guys you're using the special paint the right way I cannot wait for the next thing I'm gonna show you could you even imagine what it might be oh my gosh... I have glitter!!! I have so many fun things! and when you show me that you can handle it I can get those things out! 

  • And every once in a while, a child might need a reminder… you might have to remind them, that these special things are fun and that they do not want to miss out on this one, or on the future ones that are still to come!

  • So if all the kids are using it right and you have one kid who’s not, you would go to that kid and say “it would be very sad if you didn't get to use the special things because everyone else is showing me that they can handle it and I would be so sad if you had to sit over there and do the puzzles instead of getting to do this fun glitter whatever it might be.” And once they realize, everyone else will still get to do them because they are making good choices, they don’t want to miss out--they are going to get back on track and show you they can handle it too… 

  • You want to be introducing new things to your class and showing them new materials by saying these are so special you are so special it is so amazing that we had to use the special things and just emphasizing how important it is for them to watch the way you’re showing them and then they will do it the same way!

  •  And like we said in a previous episode you can always say that the new material/toy/ary supply was very expensive. This makes them feel important that you trust them with such an expensive item and so on…. It’s weird but it worked 

  • The way that you and to your classroom every morning and the attitude that you have towards the day what is hands-down going to change your outcomes so if you come in and you're tired (which is just a reality it's OK to be tired) but but you're thinking today is going to be good because... or I'm excited to see the kids because... and you're feeding yourself the positive things rather than “omg, I know it's gonna happen again”... you're setting yourself up to either have the bad things repeat or to have them change… so when you’re thinking about the attitude and vibe of the class as a whole… your attitude is the biggest factor in influencing the outcome. It all comes down to you and how you’re thinking and what you’re projecting on them… 




And finally I want to tell you about the latest addition of resources for the Pre-K Teacher family… I’ve added a new folder that’s called Distance Learning and it’s filled with videos I’ve made for my students that You can use for your students… isn’t that fun? I actually started making videos my first year of teaching, as a way for kids to get extra practice without me having to be the one that’s giving the lesson again...instead I could just set them up with a video and it would be me teaching them, the lesson would be planned and done exactly how I wanted it to be, but I had recorded it so they could watch it again and again, as many times as they need to without me having to sit and repeat it over and over-- every year I would record a video for each child showing them how to correctly write their name and they’d use those over and over and over again… I saw how great they worked and I started making videos for everything! And now i’ve made all of my videos available for the members of the pre-k teacher family… there are videos that practice counting, there are videos that practice letter formation, how to draw a person, read-alouds with in-depth conversation throughout… so if you’d like to check out the videos and all the other resources available to the pre-k teacher family, there’s a link in the shownotes or you can go to my website, triedandtrueteacher.com and click on the tab that says, “join the pre-k teacher family”... and remember, if you use the promo code “podcast” you’ll get 30% off your membership! 

I have spent so much time figuring out how to make videos to teach kids and I have even created a video to show you how I make my videos… haha please, let me help you! Join the family today!



Below is a preview of the video resources available for the Pre-K Teacher Family!!