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“Wow, we are so good at being patient.”

“I just taught you a new way to show patience and we are so good at it."..Now I'm gonna watch to see who uses our new skill throughout the day.”

“Wow, look at you. That is such a tricky thing and you took a few tries and you kept kept going and you did it. Good thing you didn't give up. High five buddy.”

“Can I want you to do that one more time, but this time - try to put the toys away without making any noise.”

(Kids love when you watch them do stuff. We know that right?)

“I heard you say to your friend, ‘Are you okay? when they fell down… It's so nice to check on them.”

WATCH THE VIDEO OF PART 1 👇🏻👇🏾👇🏿

Here’s why I don’t force my kids to say “SORRY” 👇🏻👇🏾👇🏿

In my experience, when you require kids to say “Sorry” there will inevitably be times it doesn’t go well…— have you noticed after telling a child to: “Say your sorry!” — Sometimes, they just flat-out refuse. 🙄 Other times they just throw out a sarcastic “Sorry” 😑and then carryon with whatever they were doing… (Then what do you do?😫)

I have a better way!!!!

Sorry is forced… and it makes kids feel bad, like “you better say you’re sorry!” 😠 Especially if they accidentally hurt their peer… that’s a sure-fire way to get a kid to shut down. ❌

INSTEAD, I encourage my kids to “check on their friend” if they see someone is hurt… We have specific words we use to make it easy — “Are You OK?” That’s what we ask. Anytime we see someone is hurt — this feels easier to the kids because nothing is forced… and it’s the same whether they’ve accidentally hurt their peer or not…

I also encourage them to do a follow up question— “Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?” We talk about offering a hug, a high five or even just giving them a smile so they know we care about them.
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We all check on everybody in our room.
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If you were in my classroom and you said, “OW” — you’d hear multiple children respond immediately, “Are You OK!?”
And that feels good for everyone…

PART 2

Try talking more like this in your classroom and see what happens. Round two.

“Last night I was sitting on the couch with my dog Apollo and I was just telling him how great my class is... I told him about how everyone's been following directions quickly, and how everyone's been checking on their friends if they see that someone's hurt. And he, he just loved hearing about all of you guys. “

“Thanks for picking up that coat and hanging it back up. That is so helpful.”

“Right now I'm looking around the circle and I see that everyone is listening. That is such an important skill. Look how good we are at it.”

"Wow, can we all just stop right now and look at this friend with their hand in the air. Not making a sound quiet as a mouse hand is up. I can tell that person has something to say.”

“Hey, bud, I noticed that you remember what we talked about yesterday. made a big difference, didn't it? Thank you for that. You should feel very proud.”